Good Enough to Love Her
by pigeonletters
Summary: Jane and Maura fall into something they won't be able to get out of this time. multi-chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Their favorite thing to say is that there's nothing you could have done. That it wasn't your fault and that everything will be okay. They look you in the eye and they lie to you, but at least you get a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Your whole life you're taught to be honest and nothing but honest. And I'm good at that, at being honest. It's one of the only people things I'm good at you know what I mean? So when they tell me it's not my fault and that there is nothing more I could have done, I know better. I know better than to lie to myself. Because it's pretty hard to say it's not your fault when you had the gun in your hand. When you could have done something, but you didn't. Because it's never actually going to be okay. In fact, it never really has been. I know better, I always have.

I should have stayed away. But you have to understand how hard it was! It wasn't fair, it's never fair. I just wish I could change it, even though I know better.

I wish I didn't know better.

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-Three Weeks Earlier-

"Jane, I hardly think that's going to work." Maura smiled fondly up at her friend who was balancing dangerously on an office chair attempting to get a gallon of chemicals off the top of a storage cabinet just for her.

"You're going to fall and hurt yourself!" She yelped, clinging to Jane as she stumbled around on the seat of thee chair.

"If I could just get a little higher… MAURA," The person in question jumped, startled by the sudden outburst, "Stop hugging me and give me your heels." Maura stepped back, her face widened in innocent shock. I wasn't hugging her...Then, hearing what Jane had said about the heels, looked up at her in a frown.

"And tell me just why I should do that." Jane rolled her entire head along with her eyes as she smirked down at her friend's offended form.

"Because Maur, I need to get higher and those things could reach the Empire State building if they needed to. so, hand them over." She replied making a 'gimme gimme' motion with her hands as she crouched down awkwardly to remove her own shoes. When she came up she found Maura was still looking up at her, unmoving, arms crossed and brows furrowed together.

"Look, do you want this crap down or not?" After a little deliberation, Maura sighed and removed her heels to give to Jane. She hesitantly pulled them back before Jane snatched them out of her hand, and shoved them on her feet.

"Just be careful," She nearly shouted, "Those are my new Jimmy Choo's!" She pleaded, trailing off.

"Oh gee thanks, not 'be careful Jane you could fall' or even 'Jane, those will cause an imbalance in the equilibrium of all the wheely chairs in the universe and you will break your spinal vertebrae number 42!" Jane scoffed in playful exasperation.

"That doesn't even make sense." Came the mumbled reply from beneath the frown that could scare anyone of Jane's bad guys into submission. Even if it was just because it was so damn cute.

Wait what? Cute she's not cute.. Can she be cute? Friends call other friends cute and adorable and all of that right? Stop making that 'I'm in deep important panicked thought do not disturb' face because then she will disturb and ugh just get the Annometahdkf down and get back to work.

"There got it!" Jane hopped down from the chair only to fall flat on her butt. The heel on the right shoe had broken off, and went flying up into the air, slamming back down and hitting Jane on the head. Her hand collided with her mouth in utter shock.

"Ow.. Maur, I'm so sorry I…I wasn't thinking. Maura?" She questioned, listening in terrified silence as the honey blonde laughed her head right off.

"Your—ahahahah haha your face hahahaah the heel hit you-haha right on your head—and andhahahaaha I can- I can't breathe ahahaha" Jane couldn't help but start laughing at the sight before her.

'I love her. She's so cute. I really lo-'She stopped her train of thought before it could reach its station. ABORT, ABORT. Her mouth stamped shut, she slipped off the priceless heels, pushed the bottle of chemicals into her friend's arms, and Maura incredibly confused and in need of a new pair of shoes.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I realize I made quite a few writing (grammar etc) mistakes in the previous chapter and I am working to fix them. Sorry about that! Also, if anyone could tell me if there is a way to edit the story without deleting the whole thing and reposting it I would love you to death. Maybe I am just technologically impaired and it's really obvious I don't know shh please don't judge me.

Anyhow, thanks so much for reading and reviewing (even if it's just a few reviews I really appreciate all of them) as well as being so kind and constructive! I hope you enjoy the story and please let me know anything and everything you're thinking. Okay, maybe that's a bit excessive... Hope you like it!

Chapter Two

-Two Weeks, Six Days Earlier—

Shopping for shoes was something Maura Isles considered a bit of a guilty pleasure. Admittedly, one she indulged in often, very often and not very discreetly. But it certainly wasn't a secret so she supposed it might not count as a guilty pleasure at all. She called it one anyway because everyone has a guilty pleasure and this is the one she wanted. She loved opening the thick cardstock boxes and carefully pulling back the powder white tissue paper that coddled whatever simmering pair of shoes, likely heels, she had purchased. Getting a new pair gave Maura a rush of giddy happiness that she couldn't ever get tired of. She gazed down at her pitiful looking Jimmy Choo's, and a tear slid down the side of her soft, blushed cheek. The rustic orange suede pumps had been the newest addition to her beloved collection, and she hated to see them go so soon. The 3.5 inch heel had been a reasonably short height and hardly the equivalent of the Empire State building. Come to think of it, she doubted they actually helped Jane to reach the desired bottle of chemicals at all. Setting the gallon jug down on the cold surface of an autopsy table, she gently scooped up the pitiful remains of her shoes. Stepping into her office, she sat timidly down at her desk and wept softly. Of course, it was hardly just because of the shoes. Maura was confused. She was more than confused, she was losing her mind. Everything was building up and she knew it. It starts with embarrassingly pitiful sulking and sniffling, and then it all goes downhill from there. A pint of ice cream should be a proactive advance against this destructive path, shouldn't it?

It was driving her crazy that that wild haired brunette could make her laugh about her precious pair of shoes being destroyed right before her eyes. That every time she walked into the room and smiled in her direction or made an adorable face, she blushed and her stomach flipped around a dozen times. She didn't understand why this was happening. Especially with her. Maura had never had a best friend. She never really had any friends at all. And now that she's nearly considered family, even if they're just being nice, now that she has this wonderful, amazing friend, she has to ruin it with these-these feelings, whatever they may be. She had even done research on what she might be feeling and what would be causing it and the result was completely inconclusive. What does that tell you? She couldn't go on like this, though. It wasn't fair to Jane.

So, she sat weeping over a pair of snapped heels. And absolutely nothing else.

* * *

Jane knew it was a mistake to have run off like that. Maura probably thought she was crazy. She didn't even give her an excuse, just stormed out the door. On top of it all she broke her new shoes. She could have just gotten a box or a book or something, anything else to stand on. Or get someone taller to get her stupid chemicals. But none of it matters because she couldn't think about that right now. She can't think about Maura or anything remotely close to a Maura. Ever. Never Ever Never. EVER AGAIN. She needed a distraction, a case. A case without a murder because she wouldn't want to have to see Maura… This would be hard, really hard.

"Janie!" The shrill voice hollered across the precinct and rang out in Jane's ears. _Oh great, now I've got Ma on my back._

"What Ma, what do you need? I'm working." The exasperated reply made her mother scoff out a light whine before replying.

"I just thought I'd check up on you! Can't a mother come and see her own daughter for no reason anymore?" When Jane didn't reply, but simply shrugged in a 'what do you want me to do' manner she pursed her lips in frustration. "Well fine then, I'll go say hello to Maura. My favorite daughter! My favorite, good daughter!" Jane jumped up in panic and grabbed her mother's arm, whipping her back around before she could take a step further to the elevator.

"NO! No, you um- you can't go down to the morgue right now because Mau-she's busy." Not missing the slight correction in avoiding saying Maura's name, Angela narrowed her eyes suspiciously at her daughter and snatched her arm back.

"Maura always let's me visit her, even when she's busy. Just to say hi, it's not like I'm staying down there all day!" She turned and headed towards the elevator. Stomping around in a fitful circle Jane groaned and ran after her mother.

"Ughhragh, fine Ma, I'll come with you." She grumbled in submission. At least this way she could keep an eye on her mother, even if that meant keeping her eye on Maura; Or rather, trying to keep her eyes off of Maura. _NO. STOP IT. STOP THINKING ABOUT HER. STOP THINKING ABOUT STOPPING THINKING ABOUT HER. STOP THINKING IN GENERAL JUST—UGH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!_

A/N: Okay, I know it's short. But I need to block some things out and I promise it will be longer next time! Love you all!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Soooooo sorry for not updating in four and a half centuries! I have been really busy lately. Thanks to all of you who have read the story and reviewed and everything in between! I promise to update sooner I just have to get my shit together. Sorry! Reviews are love so keep them coming, people! Unless you don't want to review that's okay too. You just won't get the free baby chicken that comes with reviewing for me… Why a chicken you ask? I just have a weird thing for chickens… Anywho, hate to bore you with authors notes so please enjoy!

Chapter Three

-Two weeks, Three Days Before-

The sound the elevator made had come to mean quite a lot to Maura over the years. It wasn't that the sound itself brought her much pleasure, but it was what came with it. The precious cargo the cold, metal box often contained meant more to Maura than anything else in the world. Including her shoes. She wasn't sure how Jane Rizzoli had become so important to her or even when it had happened. But she was and Maura supposed that's just how it was and that questioning things too thoroughly might cause more problems than solve them. Que sera sera, right?

She was surprised to hear a ding today. There wasn't a case or a body and Jane was apparently too busy for her or angry with her so she was unsure as to who would be visiting.

"We must have gotten a case." Maura mumbled, stepping into the doorway of her office to discover the culprit of her ding.

"Angela, how are you." The greeting sounded a bit more disappointed than intended, but Maura was sure Jane's mother hadn't noticed.

"Oh I'm just fine honey, but how are you," she stopped, leaning in with a suspicious glance behind her shoulder and continued," Did Janie do something? What did she say-" The accused rolled her eyes, begrudgingly stepping out from behind the wall.

"Maaa!," Jane groaned," I didn't say anything! Can we go know you've said hello c'mon Ma."

"Jane quit pulling on me you're being rude! Didn't I teach you better manners? Now, how are you Maura?" Maura looked between the two. She was very confused and a bit apprehensive to answer.

"I-I'm fine, Angela, just fine. I was just shopping for a new pair of shoes actually."

"Didn't you just buy a pair? Those orange ones? They were cute!" Maura watched as the older woman crossed her arms and her daughter stepped back running her hands through her thick black hair nervously.

"I-well, yes I did, but they-well um." Maura scratched nervously at her neck unsure how to answer.

"Well, what happened?" The Italian mother furrowed her brows expectantly.

"Well, Jane was-err"

"Saved by the bell." Jane sighed from the doorway as she answered her phone.

" Rizzoli."

"Isles."

* * *

'What have we got, Frankie?" Jane sighed, stepping underneath the bright, yellow tape.

"Where's the body?" She questioned, furrowing her brow in confusion. The crime scene—though thoroughly wooded—seemed to lack their department's specialty item: a body. Jane stepped forward, crunching the browning leaves underneath her rough, leather boots, following her younger brother into the thicket.

"Well, that's the thing. All we've really got is a ton of blood and then C.S.U found something else, but we have to take it to the crime lab for testing."

"So, no body?"

"No body."

"We've got nothing, then? Just blood and a little 'something else' to keep us going? I mean c'mon Frankie! What am I even here for?"

"Jane," Maura grabbed her arm, effectively turning her around," Calm down! What's wrong with you, today?" Jane was still stuck staring at the ridiculously manicured fingers wrapped around her arm. What was wrong with her today? Why was Maura's hand so incredibly hot to the touch? Was it always that way? Surely not, right? So many questions, so little time. And sooo much confusion. And anger, can't forget that part.

"NO BODY!" Jane winced in surprise at her abrupt, nervous shouting fit. "Uhhmhmm uh- there's-um not a body… There isn't any-body haha… That was apun, a play on words! HAHahaa… Ohmygod." She twisted around and walked back to the car.

"Jane! What about the murder?/ Jane!" Jane waved her arms around in dismay at her brother and stomped around.

"Ughh, Frankie just—just you take it! Finish up here! I'm Going to uhm, do some research back at the precinct. See you later." Jane had to laugh a bit as she walked to the car.

After all, this is what she wanted.

The precinct had never looked as good as it did right now. It's concrete walls were homier than a cabin by the lake_. I'd like to take Maura to a cabin sometime. We could—WAIT NO. STOP THAT. BAD JANE, BAAAD. _Paperwork and research was like a nice vacation. Far, far away from _her…_ Even though there wasn't any paperwork because there wasn't a homicide.

"The blood was probably just from a deer." Jane grumbled.

"What's wrong with you?" Korsack asked, shoving off his jacket and slumping into his chair.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that! I'm fine. I'm great. Grand even!"

"Okay then…" The grey-haired detective replied; hands and eyebrows up in surrender.

"wha-why uhhh," Jane swiveled out of her chair, "I'm going to lunch. Call me when Frankie gets back with C.S.U. The deer in Blackwood Park are up to something." Her senior just looked at her with amusement and huffed.

The detective marched towards the door just in time to meet Maura coming in. She rolled back on her heels and debated turning around, but decided if she hurried out the door, Maura wouldn't notice.

"Jane! Are you going to lunch? Can I join you? There's a great restaurant I want to try down the block." Maura announced, a smirk spread maliciously across her face. She knew she had just caught Jane trying to sneak out under her radar. Rolling her eyes Jane turned to smile at her…friend. Just friend.

"Well, I would-uh love to Maur, but I was just gonna stop at the bar here…and uh…" She trailed off, starting back through the exit.

'That's fine, we can go to this place another time. I'll drive!" Jane's fake smile quickly faded as Maura stepped in front of her and out the door.

This was going to be a long lunch.

* * *

After finding the car in the garage, the pair headed to lunch. Jane couldn't help but nervously rub her palms and stare straight out the window. Then she faltered, oh how she faltered. She turned her head to look at Maura and it all went to hell. The grey dress she was wearing was doing all the right things in all the right places, even in the car. And her hair, and her—_ugh why was this so hard? She makes it so hard to ignore her! It's like she want to make my stomach hurt. Or, well, it doesn't really hurt. I guess. _

She couldn't really explain the feeling in her stomach when Maura was around. It was like going down a hill you didn't notice was there. Or maybe you noticed, but you didn't expect it to be there. Or for it to make your stomach do gymnastics routines fit for the biggest gold medal the Olympics could offer. But you love the hill anyway and you drive down it all the time, and every time, even though you know it's there, and you know the feeling, it happens. Team U.S.A comes out with a bang and in this case they're coming out of a closet Jane didn't even know was there. And that's just it; the stomachy thing (that is a word by the way) was just part of the problem. Jane wasn't gay, she was—well maybe staring at Maura like _this_ was a little not straight. Okay so maybe she was a little gay; everybody's a little gay for somebody. _Or multiple somebodys._ _This isn't look at her she's just so adorable. I can probably arrest her for that. I'd like to get my handcuffs on her… WOAH okay… Stop smirking..This is pretty bad._

"I guess we can go to that restaurant. If you want." Maura looked over in surprise.

"What," Jane shifted uncomfortably under her gaze and Maura grin-smirked eliciting an eye roll from Jane," Oh shut up and drive."

"I didn't say anything" The doctor laughed, clearly amused. Jane tried to kept her frown when Maura looked over at her, but smiled when she went back to driving.

She hoped this would be a long lunch.

* * *

A/N Okay, it wasn't as long as I had hope, but the computer was being bad and I had to restart three times. Also I couldn't of anything to write so its probably not that fabulous. But hey you get what you get, right? No, probably wrong. Try not to hate me that much. Love youuuu! Reviews are love and baby chickens. Do it for the chickens!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Thank you all so much for the feedback, the follows, everything! I promise to try and update more frequently for both you, and the chickens. I'm not really sure how often I should be updating...What is the average? I don't know... I just got back from a road trip with the family. Which is always...fun... So writing this chapter was kind of hard. Still not very long, i know.. I'm trying people! I swear it! I didn't sign up for this. Writing is hard! Ughhh. Reviews are chickens and chickens are love. Thanks so much you guys! Love you more than mango juice (which I tried on the road trip and its quite lovable). Hope you like it!OH! P.S I updated chapters one and two because holy sugar cakes those were pretty rough. They're a bit better now. Sorry! Letme know whatelse to fix!

Chapter Four

"Cult initiation killings? Deer form cults now?"

"Jane, c'mon. Drop the deer crap." Frankie said, crossing his arms and proving to the world the eye roll ran in the family.

"It's alright Jane, I find it end_eer_ing." Everyone turned to look at the medical examiner, reacting to her strange comment. Well, strange for Maura. Jane's painted a picture of priceless shock. Maura, who was barely holding it together, wiggled in anticipation of laughter. When none came, she quickly dampened and turned her gaze to the floor.

"Oh, come on. It took me forever to come up with, Jane." At that, the precinct couldn't help but laugh, making Maura spread a hopeful smile. The laughter abruptly cut off by the phones going off the hook.

You know what they say.

Another murder, another deer pun.

"I'll take Maura."

"I'll take Korsack."

"Hmph, more like Korsack will take you." The seasoned detective huffed, snatching the keys out of Frankie's hands.

Jane looked at Maura, who was smiling fondly at the pair, rolling her eyes and leading her to the door. The drive to the crime scene, Jane feared, would be awkward. After that lunch…

"_Maura, are you sure about this place?" Jane asked, nervously rubbing her hands, eyes cast downwards really capturing the essence of 'this place'. Maura smiled in a confused manner looking at her friend. _

"_What is there to be sure about?" Jane looked up to see a small Italian bistro with an A+ health rating._

"_Um, I don't know…There could be some shady characters in here. They might be using this quaint setting as a disguise. I'm just saying, you never know.." Narrowing her eyes at the brunette, Maura smirked._

"_Or maybe you just need to open your eyes. I'm just saying." She mocked. Jane couldn't help but wonder if Maura telling her to 'open her eyes' was referring to something else. But, you don't want to open them! NO OPENING. Shut those lids tight, top secret, high clearance not even her ass can get into. Woahait. Woah. Wait. What? Ugh._

_Jane followed the ass without the clearance to the counter, her brow furrowed in concentration. She was trying hard to focus on the neatly printed menu rather than the neatly printed patter of Maura's dress. This was going to be a long and hard lunch. Running thin fingers through thick hair, she forced her attention to the off-white paper in her other hand. The food sounded so good, and smelled so good from the kitchen, that she actually lost herself in it. Stopped thinking about dresses and asses, smiles and deer. She just breathed the scent of the crisp bread steaming the bounds of the metal basket they sat in, comforted by a soft, cotton napkin. She supposed bread liked to be comforted just as much as anyone—anything else. The scent of Maura's perfume, her shampoo, the sight of her biting gently at her bottom lip while deciding on lunch. Maura was her cotton napkin. And one day, Jane hoped, dreamed, begged even, that she would have the courage to tell her. One day, when she was lost in the scent of it all, she would tell her about this day. Something Maura would have probably forgotten. Or maybe not. Because maybe Maura was thinking about napkins, bread, and off-white menus in rose-hued lighting. Maybe Jane was Maura's napkin, or encyclopedia, whatever comforted her. Jane's rendezvous with deep thought was rattled as the waiter came to the table. Maura ordered and looked to her for the next order. Startled, Jane panicked and tried to remember what she wanted when she realized she hadn't even looked. _

"_I'll just have what she ordered." As he walked off, the detective, using her almighty detectiving skilling, noticed the look of surprise on her companions face. _

"_What?"_

"_Nothing, nothing. Just a little surprised you took interest in a quinoa based pasta, with—" _

"_Oh c'mon Maura, really?"_

"_What? What did I do?"_

"_I should have known better ughh. Stupid bread and napkin Maura." She mumbled. _

"_What? You need a napkin?" The blonde turned her head in confusion, and even a bit of concern. _

"_No! Nothing… I didn't say anything just-let's just eat, okay Maur?" Maura nodded. The food coming provided the couple's table with a needed release in tension. The sound of held breathes being let out was nearly deafening. The tension was gone and anticipating smiles graced the faces of the two customers, that was until Jane remembered what she, or rather, what Maura had ordered. _

"_Can we have more bread, please?" Jane sighed._

"_A lot more bread…" The nervous blonde answered, feeling guilty that she had ruined Jane's lunch._

"_Sorry.." She mumbled in the direction of her friend, hiding behind the healthy pasta lunch. Jane frowned, she hadn't meant for Maura to take it like that. She wasThe Cotton Napkin for Christ's sake! She loved her! In a completely platonic way. Always plutonic. Her platonic cotton napkin. Whom she loved. Platonically. _

"_No. Maur. You don't have to apologize to me! I like it," Stuffing a few spoonfuls of the pasta in her mouth, and trying hard not to wince, Jane continued with a full mouth," See!" Seeing that Maura had begun to smile, Jane bent slightly underneath the table, spitting the food into her napkin. Not Maura…Her actual napkin… Coming up, she saw her other napkin frowning down into her seat._

"_Maura," She tried, reaching across the table to take her soft hands in her own," I'm sorry." The gentle whisper coupled with the hand covering her own pulled Maura from her hurt state. Offering a small smile in reply, she closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of their joined hands a moment, before withdrawing and digging into her meal. To break the renewed tension she jumped into a spiel about bread and Italy and who knows what else, Jane sure didn't. She was too busy being buried underneath her bread scented, quinoa covered napkin. And she loved every minute of it._

* * *

"Hey, we've got a body this time! And no deer puns.." Frankie pointed out as the two entered the threshold of the crime scene. Jane hadn't even noticed the time fly by in the car. She was too busy thinking about napkins and smiling about it.

"Lay it down for us Frankie." She laughed a little at her brother and her thoughts. He smiled questioningly at his oldest sibling before efficiently 'laying it down'.

"Sarah Reilly, age 52, we're working on getting her husband to the precinct now."

"Okay Maur, watcha got?" Jane asked, stepping hopefully up to the body.

"Not much… Rigor mortis suggests she died about 15 hours ago. There's too much going on here for me to tell much more…I'll have to wait until I perform the autopsy which won't be happening tonight…" Snapping off her latex gloves, the medical examiner turned napkin got up from her spot, headed towards the car. She stopped half way, turning around to face Jane.

"Um, can you take me home? You have the car…" She asked softly, bending over slightly, covering her stomach with her hand. Jane walked over to her, placing a hand on her back, leading her to the car.

"Sure, yeah of course. You okay, Maura?" Maura nodded as she folded over into the car.

"My stomach is just really bothering me. It's nothing; I just don't want to miss anything during the autopsy." Jane frowned over at her, but drove her home in silence.

* * *

Entering the house, Jane followed her friend upstairs, concerned.

"Maura, are you sure you're okay?" Collapsing on the bed, she nodded and mumbled a reply.

"Yes, yes. I'm fine."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"No. Yes. Yes please." Jane smiled and made her way over to the bed.

"Wrinkles, Maur."

"Ughhhh." Jumping up, Maura turned off the light and changed right there. After recovering from light shock, Jane followed suit. They settled into Maura's bed, and attempted to get comfortable. Maura lay on her stomach for a while until her arms began to ache. Groaning loudly, she rambunctiously thrashed over towards Jane, wrapping her arms and legs around her and shoving her stomach up against her to create as much pressure as possible.

"Maur, what are you doing?" Jane asked with her eyes wide with fear and shock and well, she didn't quite know… Her body stood rigid while she awaited an answer.

"Shh. Feels better." Came the tired and even weak reply from the mass squeezing against her own. She smiled softly down at her little cotton napkin, relaxing. This wasn't so bad. She could get used to stuff like this for her. She would do anything for her. From P. to little Italian places or late night tummy-aches. Anything at all.

She loved her.

In a completely plutonic way. One with kissing, though. Jane's eyes snapped open and her soft smile fled her lips. _No kissing wha-ugh maybe I should just give it up…_

"Mmhpmh. Sto-ahhmm-moving so much. You're moving super much."

_Let's face it Rizzoli, you waved that white flag the moment you met her. Nothing platonic about it._


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I am extremely sorry about updating and everything agh! I am regretting my decision to put a case in here along with the story. Such is life. Thanks for your patience and the lovely reviews etc. The feedback on this story has been amazing for me and I really appreciate it! Once again my apologies for the long wait(s)! Reviews are chickens and chickens are love so hop to it! thanks guys and enjoy! p.S. I just change my username because I was tired of nymphoftheseadogs. It was too long. Just letting you know in case you were confused... ily.

* * *

Jane's confusion upon waking up with Maura tangled around her faded as she remembered her friends sudden stomach ache. She felt increasingly nervous as she also recalled her revelation the perhaps this wasn't all 10/10 plutonic. Abruptly getting out of the bed and running into the bathroom, Jane woke Maura. She rubbed her eyes with a sigh as she heard the water hitting the floor of the enamel tub.

Did her stomach really hurt last night? Yes. Did she over react a bit? Arguable.

The blonde sleepily folded out of the comfort of the bed and stubbled down the stairs for some coffee. She smile fondly as she heard Angela had beat her to it and had started on breakfast as well.

"Good morning Angela." Maura sighed, sliding into a chair and thankfully tucking into a warm cup of joe.

"Good morning sweetie," The loving mother replied with a kiss on the cheek,"how did my girls sleep?"

"Just fine thank you," Maura laughed," And you?"

Oh I slept great! I hope Janie slept good. She's been grumpy all week! But then again when isn't she?"

"Slept well." Maura corrected softly.

"What was that?"

"Hm? Nothing. I have noticed that Jane has been acting a little odd. Though, she hasn't really been grumpy around me..."

"Well of course not." Came the eye roll. Just as Maura was about to reply Jane came hopping down the steps. She slid into the kitchen, kissing her mother on the cheek and snatching a piece of bacon from the plate Angela had just set in front of Maura. As she went in for a second piece, Maura swatted her hand away.

"Good morning Jane." She greeted in a chastising tone.

Jane suppressed a smile as she rolled her eyes.

"You don't even like bacon. What happened to kale?"

"I do to like bacon so stop eating all of mine! You have your own!"

"You always eat my fries," Jane shrugged,"this way we can call it even!" The detective smiled, going in for another piece.

"Anyway, see you later alligators!" Maura cocked her head in confusion and glanced over at Angela in silent communication.

"Uhm, okay. It's early yet...and you have to give me a ride anyway because your car is at the precinct." Jane frowned, tapping her fingers on the granite countertop.

"Uahh, okay. Well, I'll take a cab then because theres stuff I need to get done anyway. For the case."

"Jane, don't be ridiculous! Taking a cab," The M.E. frowned, spinning her fork around in her scramble eggs,"besides, I haven't completed the autopsy. I haven't even started it. There's hardly room for you to move forward in the case without my results." The detective smashed her lips together into a thin line of concentration.

"Well Maur, I just want to work on the case! I haven't been as-as focused lately and I just want to work on the case! Okay?" She said, looking up at the ceiling and running a hand through her hair. She looked back down at her mother and her friend and rolled her eyes.

"Geez," she mumbled,"Okay. I'll wait for you."

* * *

The ride to the station was unnervingly quiet. A thick, foggy air had settled between the two. Jane's hand tightened around the wheel as though it would provide her with strength against the wrath of Maura. Maura, who was confused and worried she had done something wrong, was hardly the one needing protective order against her.

Jane feverishly shoved her hands together in her lap after they parked and she turned off the engine. Deciding to drive was a strategic move to ensure she didn't get into any trouble with Maura. It didn't actually work as well as she had hoped. Her quirky friend had been staring at her and had made multiple, very awkward (and cute((NOt cute shutup))), attempts at comforting Jane by resting her hand on her thigh. Little did she know it was just flustering Jane to the point of insanity.

This would be frustrating for anyone. Coming to the conclusion that you want to kiss your best friend is not a cross that bridge as you come to it sort of thing. Especially when that friend was another woman. Jane had never considered herself to be-gay. She had never considered it at all, it was a thought that never crossed her mind. She was supposed to be straight so she was. That was that. No, she wasn't really as happy dating guys as she was just being with Maura let alone having sex with them. And sex with Maura would be...holy sh-RIZZOLI. Bad.

The point would be that this is hard. It was going to be hell and a half. She couldn't lose her as a friend, but spending time with her with out slipping up would become increasingly hard and Jane knew it. If anyone found out...her mother would probably go nuts and have a heart attack. And what would the precinct say? The rest of the family what about them? What it they didn't accept her? Jane had obviously never been someone to stay within the norm. She had never really cared that her family hated that she was a cop or that she didn't wear dresses, that she swore a lot and fought with the best of 'em. That she was one of the guys. What if they didn't even believe her? What if they tried to talk her out of it because she's only ever been with guys and she's just upset about Casey and Frost.

What about Maura.

What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she doesn't want to be around Jane anymore? She wished she had someone to talk to about this. Normally that would be Maura...What would Maura say.

Maura doesn't like what ifs.

"ughmf" Groaned the detective.

"What wrong?"

"agrAghh!" came the aggravated answer followed by a sigh from the tired inquirer.

"Jane."

"Maura." She mocked.

"I just want to help you know."

"I don't need any."

"It can be difficult to ask for help in times of need, Jane. Especially for you. Before I go poking the boar for answers, I'd like to let you know that I am here to help you when you can't ask for it. That I would risk a relationship incredibly important to me in order to help you because I love you. Do you understand?"

"The bear Maura." she frowned.

"What?" Maura cocked her head in frustration that faded to confusion.

"It's poking the bear. Not boar," she smiled softly, taking Maura's hand in her own," some genius you are, huh." She was speaking so quietly and looking down at their hands, for a moment Maura thought she was crying. Jane sighed in a way that confused Maura further and reluctantly pulled away, got out of the car and headed towards work. Maura sat back against her seat letting her head fall against the headrest.

People are-are-insufferable. They confused her more than trigonometry would confuse an average second grader.

Jane was the poster human for confusing people things. Just when she thought she had a grip on her, she would do something or say something that would send Maura crashing back to square one.

It was almost like she was reminiscing about something.

And in a way she was. Maura just didn't know it. She was reminiscing about what could be. What could have been. Because in Jane's mind she gave Maura up right there. The idea that they could be anything more than this was beyond foolish. It didn't really matter either way. Her life was already thrown upside down with this major discovery about herself. The case is just what she needed. Work was to be her new Maura. She did just fine with it before. Didn't she?

* * *

"Jane finally! Tell Dr. Isles to get right on the autopsy. They sent us a letter." Jane's eyes widened, a letter? And so soon...

"Was it addressed to someone in particular, Korsack?" She asked as the senior detective handed a copy to her.

"No but it mentions the Doc I think.. It's kind of confusing. Cryptic, you know, cult stuff."

"Any DNA, witnesses on delivery, when did it come?"

" woah, slow down there. CSU is processing it right now, no witnesses, we're having someone go through footage on security cameras inside and out of the building, and it came in this morning. It was slipped in with the regular mail."

"How do you know for sure?"

"No postage. Couldn't have mailed it."

She nodded, finally looking down at the short letter.

Death is not one to be tampered.  
It is surely tempered.  
She is of the dark.  
Cutting into the impenetrable.  
We will defend.  
She is to impend.  
Keep them open.  
Because we see. We see it all.

Jane frowned. This made very little sense, but she could tell it probably had something to do with Maura and autopsy.

Why do they never make any sense? Why doesn't anything make any sense.

Life sucks.


End file.
